If you follow us on social media, you probably know that Andy is an excellent sexter. I’d say that on average, he sexts me at least once a day. We’ll be talking about something totally non-sexual and I’ll get a text from him that’s a bit more graphic.
It works for us – Andy is basically always horny and he usually tells me. It might not work for everyone, but it works for us, so of course we’re going to share more details with you! We have three major tips for your sexting life.
I think Andy should give lessons about sexting. Just another 9am convo. pic.twitter.com/Ux3DKvITa8
— A Couple of Kinks (@ACoupleOfKinks) May 5, 2017
Nowadays, Andy and I can just jump straight to the point – but it wasn’t always the case. When we first started to sext, it was much slower and much less graphic. We’ve been sleeping with each other since day 1, so we never had a pre-sex sexting phase, but we still went through a big phase of discovering what the other person liked or didn’t like. It’s important that you start slowly if you’re not sure what the other person likes – you don’t want to be talking about rough anal sex if that’s one of their “hard no’s.” It isn’t just about what they physically like either – which you are starting to explore. It is also about what kind of sexting they like. Do they like being teased with incomplete ideas? Do they like being commanded? Do they like knowing every juicy detail of what you want to do to them? Are messages during work hours off limits?
These are things that you need to slowly explore, regardless of the type of relationship you have with each other. It’s also the same concept if you find someone online to sext with – start slow and build from there as you figure out how they respond to your messages. Even if you’re paying someone to sext with you – you still need to know the limits.
If you find someone online from a site like www.localbangs.com/us/meet-and-fuck, you might be able to progress faster than finding someone on a more casual dating app or in-person. BUT – you still shouldn’t start full-force. Try out a few things and see how the other person reacts. If they jump right into more details, then you know you can too.
Like everything else in life, you need to respect the other person’s limits and dislikes. If you hate being told to get on your knees or choked, then you’re probably not going to enjoy receiving a text message about doing that.
Sometimes people have different limits in-person versus texting, but that is something you need to talk to each other about.
It is okay if you’re sexting about things that you would never actually do in real life. We don’t do a lot of anal play, but you wouldn’t know that if you read our sexts. A lot of it has to do with anal stuff because we both think it is super hot… but the reality of actually doing butt stuff doesn’t always work out when we’re super busy.
We both know that just because we messaged about it, it doesn’t mean it is going to happen the next time we see each other. Within the limits of what we like, we can sext about anything, while knowing that it might not happen any time soon. That’s kind of the fun part of sexting!
If you’re worried that your partner might interpret your sexts as reality, you should have a conversation about it. Or, initially, stick with things that you would actually enjoy doing.
Mmmm… one of my favourite things to sext about is our past sex sessions. Bringing up things that have actually happened in the past turns me on pretty immediately. For example, the first time I ever pegged Andy… I sexted him about it for days. Possibly weeks. It was such a hot, intimate moment, and I love thinking about it. Sexting him about it makes me happy, and it makes him happy because he knows how much I loved it.
Andy enjoys sexting about me sitting on his face. If that is something we have recently done, then it gets mentioned in our messages more often.
I personally find that it is easier to sext about something that has already happened because I don’t have to be creative. I can just describe it instead of making something up. It’s easier for me and I also get to day dream about it!
It is also a great way to learn what the other person likes or dislikes, or alternatively, let your partner know what you really enjoyed. If you liked the way they twisted their tongue over your clit… say it! You don’t need to talk about it in the moment (which can sometimes feel uncomfortable if you’re in a new relationship), but you can talk about it in a sext! Incorporate what you enjoyed and you’re likely to experience it again.
I prefer to sext about things we have done. Andy prefers to sext about things he wants to do to/with me. Find what works best for you – but I’d recommend some reminiscing sexts if you’re with someone new.
Sexting can be so much fun but make sure to stay true to yourself and say “no” if you’re not liking something. The other person needs to respect your “no,” and if they don’t – get rid of them. Always remember that you can’t “unsend” something – and screenshots can be saved. This isn’t to scare you – it is just to make sure you know the risks.
We sext all the time, but it is also okay if you don’t!