Anal Sex 101

Written by: LaRee
Last Updated:

You know what drives me crazy? When people perpetuate the idea that anal sex is dirty and painful and something women only ‘do for their boyfriends’. While anal sex can be accidentally dirty, can be painful if incorrectly prepared and can be something people do to please a partner, they leave out all the fun stuff! They fail to mention how freaking awesome it can be.

For many, anal sex is pleasurable. There are a whole bunch of nerve endings in your butt that get stimulated. For men, you have prostate stimulation and for women you can sometimes get indirect g-spot stimulation from the right angle or just experience the feeling of fullness in every available hole. While it is great to try different kinks that your partner loves, there is no shame in enjoying anal sex for yourself. I know my partner enjoys giving it, which enhances my own experience, but I’m having anal sex because it feels good for me. It feels naughty, and I love it. I also love exploring his butt and hearing his moans of pleasure.

You know what is fun about anal sex? Most people have an anus (exception: those who have undergone certain colorectal surgeries). It doesn’t matter which genitalia you have or what your gender or sexuality is – everyone can find pleasure in receiving anal sex and everyone can find pleasure in giving it too! Whether it’s with a finger, a toy or a penis. Prostate play, for males of all sexual orientations, can make an orgasm even better. Not to mention that prostate play helps reduce the risk of prostate cancer, and all those good health benefits.

If I haven’t convinced you to try it, I implore you to seriously consider venturing to the anal side. Even if it just a solo trial, just see what the big deal is about, and hopefully you’ll enjoy it. It’s okay if you don’t, but don’t hate it just because you haven’t tried it.

That being said, there are some tips for making beginner anal an overall positive experience. If you have any other questions, please comment below or send us an email and we’ll be more than happy to help you out.


Communication is the always-essential key to doing anything with your partner, especially something new. For starters, you typically need to actually tell your partner you are interested in anal sex – they can’t read your mind. Once you’re talking about it, you can discuss any fears or concerns, and logistics like lubes, condoms and positions. If you’re particularly nervous about bringing it up to your partner because you aren’t sure you will enjoy it, then you can always try to play with your anus on your own. See if you like the general sensations before bringing up the topic. Communication works both ways folks – and it is important to listen to your partner and respect them saying ‘no’.

Technical Preparation

Anal sex does typically take some preparation. We’ve been learning about penis-in-vagina sex our whole lives, but anal is new territory for many.

Nails & Rings

Trim your nail and take off any rings. You don’t want to poke or cut your partner with your nails, and you don’t want any rings to slide off your hand while doing the deed. You’re going to be using your hands for warm-up.  

Butt Hair

Do what makes you happy in terms of your butt hair. Pubic hair includes hair around your anus. Some people don’t care about it (my partner thinks it’s hot), but many do care about it. You do you – trim, shave, wax, none of the above. Just remember it gets itchy when it grows back, like any pubic hair. Regardless of your choice, make sure it’s clean as a common courtesy. P.s. if your partner shaves you, it can be pretty hot.


Make sure you empty your bowels before and properly wipe afterward. You do not need to use an anal douche, but you can if you would like to. If you are curious for more information: The Big Gay Review talks all about douching. 

Condom Choices

If you are not fluid bonded with your partner, then you want to use a condom. Although you can’t get pregnant, there is still a risk of STI transmission. If you are fluid bonded with your partner, you might still choose to use a condom due to potential residue. Black condoms are a great choice if you’re worried about seeing any residue.

LUBE: LUUUUUUUBE. The butt doesn’t lubricate itself, so unless you’re looking for a painful experience, you need to use lots of lube. Like, as much as you want. Put it all over your finger or toy or penis as well as the butt hole in question. Feel free to re-apply as needed. If you’re using latex condoms, then use a water-based lube because oil-based can damage the integrity of latex. Synthetic or natural condoms can use any type of lube. If you’re not using a condom, then silicone-based might be the best option as you will have to re-apply less frequently. There are anal lube products (water or silicone-based) out there that are a bit thicker in order to reduce friction (like Sliquid Sassy). If you remember anything from this: use lube.

Cleanup: Prepare for cleanup before you begin. If you want, put down a towel or darker sheet on the bed. This way if anything does go wrong, your bed is protected and can be easily cleaned up. Similarly, make sure you have Kleenex or wet-wipes nearby to clean finger/toy/penis. Even if you don’t see residue, it is good to give them a little wipe.

Sexual Preparation

Priority number one: get turned on. If you’re not turned on, you’re going to be stressed and this isn’t going to be pleasant. Don’t rush into anal sex, take your time and you will be rewarded. Once you’re turned on, you shouldn’t rush straight into a large toy/penis. Start slow and small with fingers, and move on to a small toy and then on to the goal, whether it be a large toy or a penis. Once you’re ready, then insert large toy/penis SLOWLY. This is not a rush, it will happen, and it will better if it starts slowly. Please remember that in order for a toy to be ‘anal safe’ it needs to have a flared base. This prevents it from getting “sucked” in to the rectum. Analingus often helps people get into the mood. Give the anus some mouth love, and take things slow.

The pressure from an inserted item will be a very different sensation than what you’re used to. You might feel like you need to use the washroom but you don’t. It is a natural feeling to have and it is your nerve endings that are tricking you. Stop progressing the insertion and let your anus will get used to the sensation. You can then insert a bit further. Just remember that you will not poop, so you can relax. Your sphincters just need to get on board with having anal, and once everything is relaxed, it should become pleasurable. If you’re really uncomfortable, stop penetration and try again (with more lube). It is only really the initial penetration that is uncomfortable, but don’t be afraid to stop everything if you’re hating it.

Communicate again

Communication is listed again because it is essential. Once you’re having anal stimulation, you need to talk to your partner. If you’re the ‘giver’, you need to make sure your partner is comfortable. If you’re the ‘receiver’ you need to tell your partner what feels good or doesn’t feel good.

Doggie style is not the only position for anal. Other popular positions are missionary and spooning. If the ‘receiver’ is nervous, then that person can ‘sit’ on the ‘giver’, which allows them to be in control and lower themselves down as they feel comfortable. Just make sure to keep talking!


Anal play is fun You know what is more fun? Anal with other stimulation, too! Using a vibrator to stimulate the clitoral area works wonders, as does rubbing your nipples on the bed (if doggie style). If the receiver owns a penis, don’t forget about it! Penile stimulation of the receiver will have your partner moaning in no time.


Not everyone is comfortable having cum in their ass. If you’re using a condom, then skip to the next point. If you’re not using a condom, you need to discuss where the cum is going to go (if cum is involved). A great place is ON the ass instead of IN the ass, but talk to your partner about their preferences. Also, make sure to withdraw the toy/penis slowly.


Do not, I repeat, do NOT go from anal to vaginal or anal to oral unless you used a condom and then removed it after anal. Your butt is still your butt – there are bacteria (good and bad, but still bacteria). These bacteria belong in your butt, not in your vagina or mouth. If it gets elsewhere, it can cause problems. Avoid this. You need to either change condoms or go wash the finger/toy/penis thoroughly with soap and water.

Communicate… again.

Post-anal sex communication is essential. What worked, what didn’t work, etc. Spend some time cuddling and talking, and it will make the next session even better.

Anything we missed? Let us know!

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