How to Bring Food into the Bedroom

We’ve all seen movies where there’s whipped cream on vulvas and naked women lying with sushi on them in the middle of a table of men. We’ve seen recommendations to bring mangos and mints and meat into the bedroom. But what should you actually be doing? Here is a guide of things to consider if you’re up for some tasty treat time.

How to Bring Food into the Bedroom Guide – A Couple of Kinks

1. Protect the bed
One thing is for sure: you do not want honey or syrup on your bed. Or really any food items at all. Put down a towel or liberator to keep your sheets mess-free and easy to cleanup.

2. Keep it out of your genitalia
Infections and awkward doctor appointments are not sexy. Do not stick edibles inside of you (no masturbating with cucumbers, people). No sticking real carrots up your butt. Don’t put anything sticky or creamy (or anything) inside a vagina. It will cause problems. Sugar is not supposed to be added to your vulva. If you’re going to use food (like candy pop rocks) on a penis – do not insert into a vagina before properly cleaning it off.

3. Keep it easy to eat
I would eat sushi for any meal. However, it is not exactly an easy food to eat. We recommend that if you cannot take a lick or bite-sized piece of it: do not bring it.

4. Keep it sweet smelling
Oysters might be considered an aphrodisiac, but do you really want to smell like seafood? If your answer is yes, then you can skip the next tip too.

5. Get creative
It doesn’t all have to be chocolate, whipped cream and honey. They’re often picked because they’re sweet, accessible and easy to sensually lick. You can use them, but don’t be afraid to pick something different. Whatever you choose, make sure your partner is okay with it.

6. Consider allergies
If you’re getting dirty with a new partner, check for allergies. It’s a serious epidemic out there. The last thing you want is an anaphylactic shock while you’re nibbling their nipples. It would definitely change the mood of your night.

7. Shower after
Don’t leave with food still on you. It’s not the same as walking around with cum on you. You’re going to be sticky and smelly for the rest of the day. You can always turn your sensual eating into a romantic shower. Make sure to clean out your belly button – it can be a trap for food.

8. Be careful of temperatures
You don’t have to stick to room temperature foods, but you don’t want to burn your partner. You also don’t want to freeze your partner. Reminder: penises shrivel up when cold.

9. Don’t use too much
You’re never going to chug a bottle of honey, so don’t pour out an entire container. You’ll feel sick, overwhelmed and probably end up not being in the mood for sex. A whole bottle of whipped cream on the other hand… yum!

10. Burn off those calories after
This is pretty self-explanatory. After snacking on each other, remember to get busy!

Ever brought food into the bedroom? Have any tips?