Ode to Our First Vibrator

It is our one-year blogiversary!

We just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read anything we’ve ever written and a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has ever purchased a toy from one of our affiliate links! You keep us going! Well… the toys are fun… but it would be significantly less fun without all of you!

Thank you! We look forward to our second blogging year!

Rebecca and Andy

xoxo
Ode to Our First Vibrator:

Oh Nasstoys,

I had no idea that you were kind of a crap brand.

When I walked into that sex toy shop for the first time,

All the pink, purple and jelly toys were a bit overwhelming.

How do you pick the very first vibrator?

How do you decide which of the many phallic-shaped objects you’re going to go home with?

I chose you, Mini Poppers,

Not because I knew you were good (you were) or luxurious (you’re not).

Not because I knew were made of a safe material (you were, thank goodness),

But I chose you because you seemed decent,

And you weren’t bejewelled.

Nasstoys Mini Poppers Review First Vibrator Sex Toy

I kept you for myself for several months,

Becoming acquainted with your battery-operated buzziness.

Becoming acquainted with my previously untapped ability to have multiple orgasms.

Becoming acquainted with my previously untapped ability to orgasm in less than 40 minutes.

I kept you hidden, along with a giant jelly cock, in my secret drawer.

I was ashamed of you, I am ashamed to admit.

I thought sex toys were societally terrible. I thought it meant admitting something was wrong with me.

That pleasure was wrong for me.

And then Andy came along.

It was really, really, really, really, really good sex. No, GREAT sex. Like… orgasm from a one-night stand sex. Like sweat and explosions and sparks and screams… on repeat.

Like hiding in our rooms from our roommates. Like, having sex BEFORE our dinner date. And well, afterwards too. And in the park. And in the car. And basically, whenever we could catch a moment alone.

Nasstoys Mini Poppers Review First Vibrator Sex Toy

Andy knew about you, Nasstoys vibrator. He knew you were in my drawer somewhere, avoiding getting to know him.

He wanted to get to know you pretty badly.

He would ask if you could come out to play, and I would roll my eyes, squirm and ask him not to talk about you.

But then it happened.

We were in a rush to get to some event or some party or maybe one of our roommates was coming home. I don’t know – does it matter? What matters is I couldn’t orgasm.

So you helped me out.

And holy shit did you help Andy out – Andy, who was so excited that we were using a sex toy – almost burst at the site of you. Yep, you were that powerful.

I have to say that in the past tense, because you WERE that powerful. For both of us.

We had a lot of fun with you, tiny silicone vibrator.

The curve of your tip was perfect for my clit.

The texture of your sides was perfect for Andy’s perineum.

The buzziness didn’t bother me because I didn’t have anything to compare you to.

Oh, how I wish I knew.

Nasstoys Mini Poppers Review First Vibrator Sex Toy

Then I met the likes of Pleasure Works and Blush Novelties and Lovehoney,

and they were excellent upgrades.

Yet, my body still wanted your buzzy vibes. They were what I was used to.

I knew exactly where to place you. Andy knew exactly where to place you. We knew exactly how to press down, how to send me over the edge, how to get me to scream.

Then I met the Tango and it scared me for a few months. The rumbles and the intensity were nothing like you. You paled in comparison, but I continued to use you because I knew you.

Then we got our first wand.

Then we got our second wand.

We became wand believers.

The Tango then seemed less scary.

The Tango was really, really less scary and like… really, really worked.

And every so often, we’d give you another try. We’d change your batteries and turn you on ‘high’ and go for our old moves. But my body had moved on.

My body was done with your buzzy, battery-operated vibes.

My body was done with your weak levels.

My body just didn’t match up with you any more.

So you stayed in my drawer for memory’s sake. Collecting lint, as silicone toys do.

And there you stayed, forever being a memory of that fateful day that I took you home and learned about how pleasurable vibrators can be. Forever being a memory of that fateful day that Andy met your hard, tiny, perfect-at-the-time body.

Today, we celebrate our one-year blogiversay and say thank you for being the introduction to sex toys that we needed. The intro to toys that we love. The intro to a whole different world of pleasure and fun and kinks and adventures.