How NOT to Make a Sex Canvas

We have a permanent art piece on our wall that we call the ‘sex canvas’. It is an indescribable smear of blue paint, sprinkled with footprints and the memory of our DIY project fail.

We had talked about creating art together for a while. One of us is slightly more artistically inclined, so we had to find a project that we would both enjoy creating and then admiring forever. We came up with the idea to buy a massive blank canvas, pour some paint on it and get dirty: literally and sexually.

We decided on a DIY project and headed to a local art store to buy our canvas. We requested a canvas about 6 x 6 feet based on our wall measurements. The final product would be going up in our bedroom, so we bought a few shades of blue paint to match our bed sheets. If we’re going to decorate, we might as well do it right!

We had assumed the whole process was going to be easy. We were just having sex covered in paint – what could possibly go wrong?

Well let us tell you everything that could go wrong, because it all went wrong.

We found out that we bought the wrong kind of paint, and after hours of some very odd Google searches, we came to the conclusion that acrylic paint might possibly be toxic to our bodies.

Instead of returning the paint like smart adults, we decided to take an alternative route and cover ourselves in a protective layer of coconut oil. You know, cuz the paint wasn’t going to be slippy enough…

Sex Canvas Art Project – A Couple of Kinks

After setting up the canvas on top of a disposable sheet, we set up a trail of paper towels along the floor to the bathroom. We had forgotten to pick up newspapers or disposable slippers to make our way to the shower, so we improvised in the most glamorous way.

Sex Canvas Art Project – A Couple of Kinks

With the canvas and our escape route set up, it was time to get messy. We both got naked, slathered ourselves in coconut oil (genitals included) and sprayed half the paint onto the canvas. The really, really cold paint onto the really, really cold canvas (remember, we live in Canada and this was NOT during the summer).

Sex Canvas Art Project – A Couple of Kinks

Once our hands and knees were covered in freezing cold paint, it took a few strokes for my partner to be ready – which resulted in a blue dick. Literally, his dick was all shades of blue, which caused my vulva to be all shades of blue. Our neighbours heard some weird yelling that night as I repeated: “don’t get paint in my vagina!”.

Sex was near impossible. The layers of paint caused us to slide around the canvas, and not really in a fun way. In a ridiculous what-the-fuck-are-we-doing way. It was just a big blur of genitals and paint, and paint on genitals.

Once the canvas was sufficiently covered, we took refuge in a warm shower – while smearing blue paint on our floors, our walls, our shower curtain… everywhere. Our paper towel protection method was insufficient, and we proceeded to find blue paint on random objects for the next few weeks. I’d like to know how it got in the kitchen, but that will forever be a mystery.

Thankfully, because of the coconut oil, the toxic paint was relatively easy to remove.

Sex Canvas Art Project – A Couple of Kinks

We let the canvas dry for over 24 hours prior to cutting it to a more beautiful size – we got rid of some ugly blurred bits, and kept the messy sex swirls and footprints.

We absolutely love our canvas. It is in our bedroom, and we love when guests come over and ask us the story behind our piece of artwork (although we have a more G-rated version for our parents).

Our canvas represents our love for each other, and that is as perfect as art can get.

Sex Canvas Art Project – A Couple of Kinks

If you are considering creating a sex canvas with a loved one or a friend, we highly suggest it! However, we would definitely recommend buying a professional kit from Love Is Art. It comes with a protective tarp, the canvas of your choosing, body-safe paint, protective slippers for your dash to the shower, and a soft body scrub you can chuck out after you’re squeaky clean.

It is pretty legit, significantly better than DIY and about the same cost of buying all of the supplies individually. Check out SheVibe to buy a kit and create your own sex canvas.

If you make one, we definitely want to see pictures!

Diana Fox

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