First, we need to mention that all sex toys can be used between couples. It doesn’t really matter how the toy has been marketed – they can always be used with one or more people. Some toys are specifically marketed to use with a partner (like the We-Vibe Sync) during PIV sex, but more toys that are for ‘solo’ use can most definitely be used with a partner. For example, a dildo with a flared base can be used vaginally, anally and orally. Your partner can control it or you can control it while your partner is paying attention to other parts of your body. There are endless options of what to do with sex toys and that’s kind of like… really, really fun.
With so many options… how on earth do you choose what to buy?
Choosing a Sex Toy
1. Talk About It!
There are countless guides out there that suggest you purchase a toy as a surprise for your partner. False, false, false! Unless you know exactly what is on their wishlist – just don’t do this. Spontaneity can be fun, but not when you have no idea what type of toy your partner is interested in experimenting with – or if they are even interested in any toy. You need to make sure your partner is comfortable with the idea of introducing sex toys into your sexy time. If not, then maybe you can explore the reasons or come back to it in the future, but you should never pressure anyone. You need to present the idea in a gentle, positive way. While it is absolutely not true, media does a pretty great job at making people believe sex toys are only to be used if your partner can’t satisfy you. Emphasize that you are sexually satisfied with the other person but you want to experiment for both of your pleasure. Before you buy anything, you need to talk about it.
2. Decide What Type
There are so many sex toys and sex accessories available that you need to discuss what kind of item you are looking for. Do you want to try some handcuffs to tie each other up? To you want a clitoral vibrator for a different sensation? Do you want a toy specifically designed for intercourse? Perhaps an interactive toy for a long-distance relationship? Something for vaginal insertion? Masturbation sleeves? Anal play? You need to narrow it down a little bit before entering the shops, whether online or in person. It might seem overwhelming but narrowing down the type of item you want to try will open up communication about sexual desires and ultimately lead to a better experience with sex toys.
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3. Shop Together
You should definitely shop together – it’s part of the fun! You can start by browsing online and reading reviews of certain toys. A lot of online shops have a list of their most popular toys or ‘best couple’s toys’ which can be good places to start. Go through the options and see if you can narrow down some styles, functions and colours. Things like realistic vs non-realistic are good to clarify. If you live near a sex shop, you can head over to visually see the items. You might be surprised at how small or large some of the items are as it can be difficult to tell when shopping for the first time online. If you can head to a shop, then there will often be samples you can touch and turn on. Some toys are only available online (or have much better prices online), so make sure to read reviews before purchasing. Adding some lubricant to your shopping cart is usually an excellent idea (and necessary for anal play).
4. Use It Together
Once you’ve decided what to purchase, maybe you can use it together for the first time! Discovering a toy together from start to finish is something you can share together and a great way to build trust and communication. Of course if it makes you more comfortable (or if your partner really enjoys being teased) then you can use it by yourself the first time, but we personally enjoy sharing our first experiences together. There is something wonderful about watching your partner discover a new pleasure centre or a new sensation that drives them wild.
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Communicate before, during and after! Some toys are going to work their magic and some toys are going to be a total flop. The important part if to discover what you like or don’t like and use that information for the next sessions or when purchasing the next sex toy. Maybe the vibrations weren’t strong enough or maybe the G-spot angle didn’t quite hit the right spot. Maybe there wasn’t enough lube from the start. There are important things to talk about so the next time will only be better.
The most important tip is to have fun while using it. Start small and work your way upwards to discover what you like and don’t like. It is totally okay to try out new things and decide it isn’t for you. Our first vibe together was a battery-operated buzzy purple toy. It was perfect at the time, and led us to experiment with different items. Make sure the material is body safe and make sure that everything is used consensually. Pick something that interests both of you and have fun!